What is Abstinance?


Why Save Sex For Marriage?


Benefits Of Abstinence


Steps To Abstinence


Celebrity Abstainers





StEPS TO abstinence?


1. Seriously commit to your decision to be abstinent. This is for YOU, and no one else can do this for you.


2. Acknowledge responsibility for your body and what you do with it. You can control yourself.

3. Only date people who share and respect your views, you need them to work WITH you, not AGAINST you. [This one is ENORMOUSLY important, a definite key to abstinence.]

4. Be sure you're not advertising what's not on the market, dress accordingly. Also, remember, if someone treats you as though you owe them sex, they're wrong. They're treating you no better than a prostitute.

5. Avoid movies, TV shows, web sites, magazines, music, and conversations that dwell on or remind you of sex. "That's ridiculous!" you might be saying. Well, think of it as a BRAIN DIET. The more you feed that part of your brain, the more difficult it will be to remain abstinent. If you were on a diet, you wouldn't hang out in a bakery. That would be foolish. This may sound unrealistic, but it's not as difficult as you might think.

6. Keep your clothes on. If you can't get to it, you can't get in trouble with it. It's that simple. "...One time we both wrote down on a piece of paper the names of all the people we had feelings of guilt about going too far with, and [not showing them to each other] we prayed together for forgiveness, and then we burned the paper to show that it is done, in the past, and we were moving ahead without looking back..." [excerpt from Q&A page]

7. Beware of back rubs, naps together, etc. Getting horizontal can inch you closer and closer to things you never planned on doing.

8. Keep control. Drugs and alcohol don't make you less responsible for what you do with your body. YOU still have to bear the consequences of your actions, no matter how unintentional they were.

9. Always keep in mind that this is not forever. You are just holding out now for something better in the future. It'll be worth it.

10. Constantly assess yourself and find your points of weakness, then avoid them. You know best what works for you, and since you are doing this for yourself, you'll try to do it well.

11. Never stop trying. Mistakes might happen, and each day must be approached with a new awareness of your options. There's no such thing as absolute failure or success. Good choices yesterday don't mean you can let down your guard, and bad choices today don't mean tomorrow has no hope.

12. Be realistic about your future with someone. Just because you think you'll marry them now doesn't mean you will. Nothing is guaranteed until you are at your wedding. Emotions and intentions don't justify physical relationships.

13. Remember there is NEVER a point of no return. It's never too late to begin trying or to try again. No matter how many mistakes you feel you've made in your past, each day is another chance.

14. PRAY often for the Lord's strength. You don't have to wonder if this is God's will, you know it is. He's on your side and wants you to succeed, He will do His part, but you must do yours.

15. Pursue PURITY. Practicing abstinence successfully is not achieved by focusing on what you DON'T do. It's what you DO. It's a matter of PURSUING PURITY in your heart.

[I have written these from my perspective as a Christian woman. But that does not at all mean it only applies to Christians. This is good for ANYONE no matter what their religious convictions.

Copyright 1998-2003 Ellen Tift.